You can call it [Atitlan] if it makes you less unhappy

I'm going to tell a story. Well, sort of. I'm going to talk about Fate and what it means to me.

In A Room with a View, there is a conversation between George and Mr. Beebe about how the cast of characters keeps coming together. Mr. Beebe insists that it's Italy (and interest therein), but George refuses to accept that and argues that it's fate. In the end, George says "It is fate... but you can call it Italy if it makes you less unhappy."

 

 I've always felt this sort of thing deep down that says "I'm happy. I'm where I'm meant to be right now." Always. I'm the opposite of George in that regard. That's what has made it so hard for me to know if I have found my home. 

When I say that I felt a sense of  "meant to be", I really mean that. I always knew I was in the right place for me, until I didn't. And when I didn't, the stars aligned and sent me to the place I was meant to be. I can trace it back clearly to when I was 16, though I might be able to see it further if I really try.

 

 

First, it was extracurriculars in high school that took me off the teaching track for a bit, just long enough to apply to a university that wouldn't have been on my radar otherwise. Then, my first teaching job just around the corner from Ella Fitzgerald's birthplace (anyone who knows me well knows how much I love Ella), which ended up being one of the bigger challenges I've faced. A quick stopover at another job, just long enough to heal from the stress before Guatemala City welcomed me. Guatemala City was great, until it wasn't, but it got me to to this country, which is really all I needed. Finally, Lake Atitlan opened it's doors wide open, as if it had always been where I was going.

So, while two years ago was probably the worst in my life, I knew that I was headed in the right direction. I knew that while my life was excruciating, I needed to go through it to find my home.

 

Here's the deal: I KNOW I have not had to deal with nearly as much as other people. I KNOW I am lucky to be able to see the forces guiding me to where I am. I still don't know how to help people find that, but I want to try.

I am where I am because it was meant to be. And if that ever changes, I know life will forcibly let me know, as it has a few times before.